Making Friends as an Adult: Tragic

Is it just me or is it a lot harder to establish genuine connections and friendships as adults? Growing up, I never thought about making friends and it being a challenge because I grew up in a small community. Everyone knew everyone from kindergarten until high school, regardless of the district. Everyone was friends with one another, basically. If it wasn't organically, it happened just by circumstances. It was just entirely too small of a place for people to not cross paths and build their own connections outside of whatever brought them together. You were either related, knew someone who was related, played sports together, parents went to school together, went to the same church, parents worked together, something! It was always something that brought you together. It was natural as a child or growing teenager to talk, connect, establish friendships with those who you were exposed to the most or even those who you met once at the family party filled with people you didn't know! You could be from opposite sides of the island but ended up becoming family because of a mutual friend or something. Relationships were not hard to build as a kid or growing up where I grew up. I'm not sure if it's because of the size of the place, the culture or the people but all I know is that making friends back home is 100% easier than it is out here. This is just my personal opinion but I would really like to know, what has your experience been like? Is it normal for adult friendships to be this difficult to establish? Are people just normally this standoffish, unpleasant and unwilling to even have standard conversations? How does one even know if a friendship is possible if they aren't willing to get to know a person? Is everyone just out here scamming folks for money? That is a real question because the amount of scams I've came across, SHEESH.

Living life isn't easy. It takes effort, everyday to show up for yourself, your family, your kids, whoever it is you are living life with. It takes effort to put your best foot forward. You have to do this, on top of trying to build a community around you. You have to survive, right? To do that, you have to make a living. To do that, you have to sacrifice time and energy. You trade time for money most of the time. On top of that, you are expected to be healthy. You can't trade your time for money if you're unhealthy. If you have kids, you have to provide for them as well, not just for yourself anymore. You have to ensure that you're on the straight and narrow. You have to try to unlearn the toxic behaviors your parents (who also didn't know any better) passed along to you to make sure you're not doing the same to your children. That means you may need to seek help from a professional. This takes humility that you might not have been taught or know how to practice. You also have to practice self care because all of this giving to others is going to leave you empty and unable to conjure the mental strength you need for yourself. All of this, is what we as adults need to think about in order to give ourselves the best chance. There isn't much time within all of that to build new friendships or foster a healthy community outside of the ones you may have established during childhood, college or your military career (all of which seem to have produces the most long-lasting relationships I've experienced). If it's impossible to build new relationships as an adult or your experiences have all been so poor that you decide it's not worth it anymore and you just resort to the childhood relationships, what does that mean for you and your growth? What does that mean for the likelihood of being or experiencing anything different from what you grew up with? What if your childhood friends haven't grown themselves?! What if they have been a terrible influence on you but because of life circumstances, you've decided that their toxic behavior is better than having no one around at all?! There are so many things that can stem from remaining in our comfort zones, and that includes the comfort of the relationships we choose to continue and the ones we decided are not worth taking a chance on.

As an adult, outside the comfort of my community back home I've decided to take a chance on everyone! The problem with that is, I've learned the hard way that not everyone is for me and vice versa. I've learned that some people who I've chosen to trust, have decided to be deceitful. I figured out that not everyone operates with a moral compose. I've discovered that some people are so miserable with where they are in life, all they actually want to do is have someone to complain to/with and not actually build anything different from what it is they have. I realized that building a community of like-minding fellows would be a lot more difficult then it ever was as a child because not only do you have to be selective with who you choose to explore but you also have to be mindful of the new plate of responsibilities that comes with becoming an adult! This is not something that had to be considered while growing up cause what did we really have to pay attention to then?! What time to get home after playing outside? Not how many bills we have to pay, how are we going to pay them, what are we going to eat, how are we going to scheduled our own doctors appointments, etc. Adulting is a hell of a lot harder than being a kid and adding the stressors of that, on top of attempting to building new relationships that add value to your life instead of drain it is something I'm not sure anyone has mastered yet. If you have, please share your secret because I'm still trying to figure out how to go about this adult life and have a support system outside of my parents because they won't be here forever and sooner rather than later, I'm going to have to find another shoulder to lean on, another ear to borrow. We all have to figure out how to establish this within our adult lives but how are we actually going about doing it?

There is a lot that I'm still learning about myself everyday and I think that brings me peace. It brings me peace because I know that if I don't have it all figured out, I KNOW that my peers don't either! I know that folks out here are undergoing the same transformation and having the same internal discussions! We just are having a hard time bridging the gap. One way that I'm trying to bring my peers closer together is through this blog! I haven't figured out a way to do so in real life just yet, but being able to speak my truth and share it on a platform that has the potential of reaching so many people at once has brought me so much hope! I am hoping that one day, I'll be able to build a friendship with a new person because of their discovery of my blog. I want to be able to relate with them about similar experiences, share them with each other and learn from one another. Because I believe that like-minded folks are found in places that we surround ourselves in, I want to be in a positive place within. That way, no matter where I go, what I do or say, I'll have an aurora of peace that can be recognized from anyone willing to pay attention. I believe our ability to build relationships as adults starts within and how we relate to ourselves. As children, I think we are a lot more confident and comfortable in who we are (because we don't know anything different and probably aren't comparing ourselves to one another) and this helps make it easier to just be authentic with anyone around. That is what I miss as an adult. That is what I'm working at achieving everyday. I've come across a few really great folks that I love to share time with, experiences with, build memories with and am able to be completely honest and myself around. Those connections, I am genuinely grateful for! My goal in this next chapter in my life is continue to pour into myself so that when I am presented with an opportunity to share myself with another, it's an experience that is unforgettable and something that can be built off of. Friendships as adults don't have to be hard to establish but they do have to be meaningful. Shout out to the friends I've made along the way and those that have become family. I truly couldn't have made it throughout life without your guidance, lessons, feedback and LOVE.

My besties and I, est. 2005 (I think) and I wouldn't have it any other way.